Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
