so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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