I'm so fucking centered right now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
