I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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