Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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