my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
