found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
