i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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