Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
