You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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