I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
