im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
