i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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