You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
