I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
