when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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