Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
