Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
