In the future we'll all be gay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Where is the hickey?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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