I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
