Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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