i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
