I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
