I am spending my child support on dildos
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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