His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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