Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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