How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
