My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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