A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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