theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
