so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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