About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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