It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
