I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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