I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
