every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.