oh god the rape fog is back!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
