if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
