how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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