my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
