I got chris browned last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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