just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
