Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
