You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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