well you can't waste a boner
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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