i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
