Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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