I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
