you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
