Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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