You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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