I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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