her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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