oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
