He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
