thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
