all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
