They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
smell my finger.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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