i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
