Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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