Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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