Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
